Legitimate Reasons

Before I was released as Young Women's President, sometimes I worried that saying I was having a faith crisis and feeling disaffected from the Church was just a cop out on my part.  Like maybe the real reason I was pouring over the inconsistencies of Church history, or studying the problems with scripture historicity, or fretting about women's roles and the Church's involvement with political movements, was because I was so worn out driving Young Women and planning activities that I was just looking for any excuse to get out.

Well, I can safely say that's not the case.  I haven't been Young Women's President for about 5 months, yet my issues with the Church remain.  I kind of figured, but it's nice to know for sure that I wasn't just looking for an excuse.

Because in reality, being with the Young Women energized me.  I might have dragged my feet sometimes to get out the door to go lead a Wednesday night activity, but I always noticed that at some point in the middle of the activity, as I was giggling along with the girls about something silly, I felt happy to be there, and revived by their spirits.  It wasn't always hearts and flowers, but I loved those girls a lot (still do) and thrived on their energy.

And I'm still looking for ways to serve them.  Last night, one of the girls came over to get SAT math tutoring from Husband.  While they worked on math problems, I started making her a grid of all of the colleges she wants to apply to and the pieces that we need to pull together for those applications so that we can keep track of everything.  Her mom is from Peru and doesn't speak English and wouldn't know where to start with trying to get her daughter into college, as much as that's exactly what she wants for her.  So we're here to step in and help. 

I'm planning care packages to send to my YW at BYU and her sister who is on a mission.

So, yeah, as worn out as my ward can make me, and as ready as I was to be released as Young Women's President, that's not anywhere near the heart of my crisis with the Church as an Institution.  I still want to serve, and I'm excited about the new opportunities I'll get as a member of the Relief Society Presidency (even if sometimes I might get tired and complainy).  I have seen truly Christ-like service occur in our ward.  I'm just a little skeptical of the motivations of the institutional Church.