News Lately

Sunstone: What Is Authentic Spirituality? - I had Sunstone envy a couple of weeks ago as lots of people on my alterno-Mormon Facebook groups talked about attending various sessions.  This particular presentation resonated with me.  One key section:

When you’re religious but not spiritual, you’re very concerned with the outward appearance. You want to make sure the i’s are dotted and the t’s are crossed. You want to show up with the right smile on your face, the right clothes on your body, the right words on your lips. But if those things don’t come from a genuine place, what you are doing is constructing barriers between yourself and God.

This is because God deals in realness.

So true!  I'm still in the process of figuring out my relationship to God in a non-standard, non-correlated way.  I'm trying to find that genuine place for communication with the divine.  I know how to follow the rules, to say all the right thing, but I don't necessarily want to anymore, because I want to be real, and I believe God wants me to be real.

This also makes me think of the ongoing fixation with modesty, as the Church uses that term (aka, Hide Those Filthy Shoulders!), particularly the modesty of our Young Women.  Really?  Is that the most important thing to focus on?  Really?!


Faith & Doubt - Is it just me, or is everyone talking about the juxtaposition of faith and doubt lately?  Ever since my lesson with its great, student-led discussion, and the follow up emails between me and a member of my bishopric, this topic seems to be everywhere.  Though I'm sure part of it is that I'm hyper-aware of such discussions now.  Anyway, this blog post is an interesting discussion about how to approach someone in a faith crisis, and how to move through a faith crisis.  I'm taking some helpful pointers from this.

Lesson 32: To Seal the Testimony

After a couple of weeks off (yay, vacation!), I picked up with my Gospel Doctrine class again just in time for the death of Joseph Smith.  My initial thought was, seriously?  A whole lesson about the martyrdom?  Surprisingly, the lesson manual went in a direction I actually wanted to follow, which focused on the ideas/doctrines that Joseph Smith established in his 14 years as president of the Church.  When I started listing out all of the things that Joseph Smith wove into this religion, it was pretty interesting.

First, as always, we started with some history of how Joseph, Hyrum Smith, John Taylor and Willard Richards  came to be in Carthage Jail.  Rather than read the sanitized version from Our Heritage (they were put in jail for no reason!  Imagine!), I had us read from Making Sense of the Doctrine and Covenants: A Guided Tour Through Modern Revelations, courtesy of Mormon Stories Sunday School.  Usually Our Heritage isn't too bad but in this section its position as a publication of the Church came through loud and clear.  Not only did the reading I use mention the destruction of the printing press, but there were a couple of shout outs to polygamy (also, Joseph Smith's ill-conceived run for the presidency and his desire for a theo-democracy.  So much for inspired Constitution drafters.  Let's talk about some real history!)

Unable to persuade government officials to redress the wrongs committed against the Latter-day Saints in Missouri, Joseph Smith ran for the office of president of the United States. His campaign platform circulated far and wide in the early months of 1844. Dozens of campaigning missionaries stumped across the country. "There is not a nation or dynasty, now occupying the earth, which acknowledges Almighty God as their lawgiver," Joseph declared. "I go emphatically, virtuously, and humanely for a THEO-DEMOCRACY, where God and the people hold the power to conduct the affairs of men in righteousness." In Nauvoo, meanwhile, Joseph continued to offer the temple ordinances to a few prepared Saints, and in March he gave the apostles the priesthood keys to perform the ordinances and a commission to carry on after his death. He also secretly practiced plural marriage. Joseph's growing political power ignited deep-seated resentment against him among non-Mormons, and a faction of alienated Mormons opposed the revelation on plural marriage. Apostates published a dissenting paper, the Expositor, on June 7, that publicized Joseph's private life and attacked his religious and political leadership. As mayor, Joseph led the Nauvoo city council to a decision to destroy the press as a public nuisance. The action seemed despotic to antagonists inside and outside of Nauvoo, and it gave Joseph's enemies an opportunity to denounce and prosecute him. As a result, Illinois governor Thomas Ford summoned Joseph to Carthage, the Hancock County seat, to answer charges of inciting a riot.

Although I don't think Joseph and Hyrum deserved to die, the fact is, there was a reason they were in jail.

Then we read Willard Richards's account of what happened that fateful night from the lesson manual:

A shower of musket balls were thrown up the stairway against the door of the prison in the second story, followed by many rapid footsteps. …A ball was sent through the door, which passed between us, and showed that our enemies were desperadoes. … Joseph Smith, Mr. Taylor and myself sprang back to the front part of the room, and … Hyrum Smith retreated two-thirds across the chamber directly in front of and facing the door.  A ball was sent through the door which hit Hyrum on the side of his nose, when he fell backwards, extended at length, without moving his feet.  From the holes in his [clothing], it appears evident that a ball must have been thrown from without, through the window, which entered his back on the right side, and passing through, lodged against his watch. … At the same instant the ball from the door entered his nose.  As he struck the floor he exclaimed emphatically, ‘I am a dead man.’

Joseph looked towards him and responded, ‘Oh, dear brother Hyrum!’ and opening the door two or three inches with his left hand, discharged one barrel of a six shooter (pistol) at random in the entry. … A ball [from the musket of one of the mob] grazed Hyrum’s breast, and entering his throat passed into his head, while other muskets were aimed at him and some balls hit him.  Joseph continued snapping his revolver round the casing of the door into the space as before … , while Mr. Taylor with a walking stick stood by his side and knocked down the bayonets and muskets which were constantly discharging through the doorway. …

When the revolver failed, we had no more firearms, and expected an immediate rush of the mob, and the doorway full of muskets, half way in the room, and no hope but instant death from within.  Mr. Taylor rushed into the window, which is some fifteen or twenty feet from the ground. When his body was nearly on a balance, a ball from the door within entered his leg, and a ball from without struck his watch … in his vest pocket near the left breast, … the force of which ball threw him back on the floor, and he rolled under the bed which stood by his side. …

Joseph attempted, as the last resort, to leap [from] the same window from whence Mr. Taylor fell, when two balls pierced him from the door, and one entered his right breast from without, and he fell outward, exclaiming, ‘Oh Lord, my God!’ … He fell on his left side a dead man” Elder John Taylor was shot four times but recovered from his wounds.

I let the class ponder that for a moment and discussed how devastating this must have been for these early Saints who had given up so much, been driven from place to place, and then ultimately lost their prophet who they had followed this far.

Next we read D&C 135, John Taylor's eulogy for the brothers Smith.

In the spirit of a eulogy, I told the class we were going to talk about all of the doctrines that Joseph Smith established and all of the things he did to create the Church as we know it today.

(As a side note, it's a hard balance to talk about "doctrines" and "restoration" and such when I'm at such a place of questioning the Church in my own mind.  I am very careful about how I say things, and try my best not to say anything I don't believe.  For instance, I might say something like "Joseph Smith said..." or "Joseph Smith taught...", rather than "Joseph Smith restored..."  It's tricky, but I'm trying to be honest.)

We read and discussed the following scriptures and quotes related to specific doctrines:

• Nature of the Godhead (D&C 130:22-23)


• Restoration of the Priesthood (D&C 107:6)


• Scriptures

While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley said: “[Joseph Smith] translated and published the Book of Mormon, a volume of 522 pages which has since been retranslated into [many] languages and which is accepted by millions across the earth as the word of God. The revelations he received and other writings he produced are likewise scripture to these millions. The total in book pages constitutes the equivalent of almost the entire Old Testament of the Bible, and it all came through one man in the space of a few years.

• Baptism for the dead and other temple ordinances (D&C 128:18)


• Word of Wisdom (D&C 89:1-3)


• Articles of Faith

Finally, I asked the class this great question posed in the Mormon Stories Sunday School lesson notes: "How is your life different because of an obscure farm boy born in 1805 Vermont?"

Because no matter what my feelings are about the Church, there is no doubt that this one man's actions have dramatically impacted my life.  Several class members shared their feelings about the Church, and what they have gained from the Church, and it wound up being a nice period of sharing.

Finally, from Making Sense of the Doctrine and Covenants, I read the following:

That is Joseph Smith's significance and his appeal: he revealed the answers to the ultimate questions.  Why am I here? Where did I come from? Where am I going? Is there purpose in life? What is the nature of the Fall? Are individuals accountable agents or are their actions predetermined? What is the nature of Christ's atonement? What about those who do not hear the gospel in mortality? And perhaps above all, what is the nature of God?  He thus died as a testator—a witness—and Doctrine and Covenants 135 declares that though a testator can be killed, his testimony endures forever.

ITNOJC, Amen.

Thinking in Black and White

In most areas of my life, I feel comfortable acknowledging shades of gray. 

However, this whole Church thing, specifically the Mormon Church thing, seems very either/or to me. Either Joseph Smith was a prophet or he wasn't.  Either the Book of Mormon is true or it isn't.  Either the Church is still led by prophets or it isn't.  President Gordon B. Hinckley said it himself:

We declare without equivocation that God the Father and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, appeared in person to the boy Joseph Smith... Our whole strength rests on the validity of that vision. It either occurred or it did not occur. If it did not, then this work is a fraud. If it did, then it is the most important and wonderful work under the heavens.

 

Which is all well and good until you learn things like there are multiple versions of the First Vision account that included Jesus, God and Jesus, or an angel...  And that the First Vision wasn't really what Joseph Smith led with when he was telling people about this brand new religion, and didn't write down anything about it until years later.  People (apologists) chalk it up to bad memory.  Well, I've had some powerful spiritual experiences in my life, and I can tell you that they are seared in my memory, and none of those come close to actually seeing God (or Jesus, or an angel).  This is just one of the items that make black and white statements like President Hinckley's above problematic.

 

I'm willing to accept some shades of gray in my theology.  In fact, as I feel my spiritual perspective opening up through the faith transition I'm undergoing, I feel very comfortable with shades of gray, with not knowing all of the things of God, and with not being very sure what my eternal future holds.  I'm okay with that. 

 

What becomes a problem for me is continuing to be taught whitewashed history about the Church at church every week.  Another problem is the dogmatic insistence that the Church is the One True Church.  How is that possible when the foundation it is based on is so very shaky?

 

Husband is good at taking the good bits and just rolling his eyes at the bad bits.  The problem I have with this picking and choosing is that I don't think that's what the Church IS.  The Church wants everything from you - your time, your talents, your resources.  In return, it promises you Truth, with a capital T, and comfort in the knowledge that you are part of the One True Church.  Except for when you do a little digging, you discover the foundation of sand that the entire thing is built upon.

 

It's disconcerting, to say the least.

 

So my question is, how do you keep going to a black and white Church when your mind is full of subtle shades of gray?  How do you make it work?

 

 

Loaves and Fishes

Today on one of the alterno-Mormon Facebook groups, a few people were talking about the numbers of members in the Church, real versus fictional growth/membership numbers, motivations that the Church might have for not telling the whole truth about the history, the Church as an example or anti-example of charity and how that impacts members' donations.  Same old, same old in the alterno-Mormon world.

One person said something related to the discussion, but also about an interpretation of scripture that honestly had never, ever occurred to me before:

One is the fish and loaves model where the Lord simply gives all that He has directly to those in need without reservation/investment. That miracle I believe is founded on the power of a faithful example where the leaders send out all they have and in mimetic acts of faith others pitch in all they have and the baskets refill and refill to overflowing and all are fed.

Mind.  Blown.  (as the kids say)

This idea that the loaves and fishes story wasn't a miracle of heavenly intervention, but instead was a story of Christ's followers following His example of giving everything He had to feed his followers, and continuing to fill the baskets with what little they had is an angle that I had never considered.  I always thought the miracle is that the baskets never emptied because God kept filling them.  I truly love the idea that the baskets never emptied because the people kept filling them.

I wish I had read this before my lesson on building the kingdom of God because it perfectly illustrates how we as individuals have such an important role, and indeed a holy obligation, to care for each other.

Two Different Worlds

I was out of town the past couple of Sunday, so don't have any new lessons to report.  We were visiting Jason's brother and his family, who live in a very liberal area of the country and attend what is one of the most liberal wards I have ever heard of.  My in-laws really like their ward and the open-minded, progressive discussions that happen in their classes on Sunday.  The flipside is that any conservative comments are quickly pounced upon and torn apart.  Apparently my father-in-law (my most conservative in-law) had a bad experience once when he was visiting their Sunday School.

Their Sunday School lessons are a couple of weeks behind mine, so the Sunday before last we got Lesson 28, the lesson I taught that sparked such interesting discussion.  This Sunday School teacher stuck pretty close to the lesson in the manual, talking about the trials and tribulations of the early saints, and asking the basic manual questions such as "How did the trials strengthen the early saints' testimonies?" and similar.

The thing that was so strange for me was how abstractly the teacher talked about trials.  In addition to being extremely liberal, the ward is also extremely wealthy.  The teacher admitted he didn't really have any major trials in his life, but when he thought about hard things other people went through, he felt bad for them and admitted it was hard to understand why such things happened.  Someone else in class talked about not believing that God has anything to do with major atrocities like the genocide in Rwanda, and there was some discussion about God's role in those types of events.

At one point, the teacher asked whether anyone had ever experienced trials and would they like to share how they got through them, and how their faith helped them.  He didn't get much of a response, and we moved forward with more abstract examples. 

I would NEVER ask such an open-ended question in my class.  We would be there for hours, as the people in my class talked about all of their struggles just to meet their basic human needs of food and shelter.  Or the trials they have faced in their youths in war-torn countries, or the poverty they escaped back home, only to find a new kind of poverty in the US.  Someone in my in-laws' ward did mention a family that used to be in the ward and the trials they faced with their sick child, but it was all so other-focused.  Such a different experience.

I am in no way saying the people in this wealthy, liberal ward don't have trials.  Could be they just didn't feel like sharing in such an open forum.  But in my ward there is so much poverty and lack of education that the struggles people face are at a very basic level.  The struggles are there everyday, and for many of the members there is no conceivable way out of them. 

I am a big proponent of the church welfare system because I see firsthand how many people it helps.  Sometimes our bishop gets grief from the stake president for overspending our ward's welfare allotment.  To that I say there are hundreds of wards as wealthy or wealthier than my in-laws' ward and they are surely capable of picking up the slack.  We are supposed to be a Christ-centered church with His directive to help the least of our brethren.  I think my bishop must feel the same way, since he keeps overspending and the people in our ward keep having food to eat every day.

Lesson 29: Building the Kingdom of God in Nauvoo, Illinois

There wasn't a lot of extra material to bring into this lesson because it relied very heavily on historical accounts.  A good two-thirds of which we have already talked about in other lessons.  This is one of the problems with the D&C manual.  Because it's arranged by topic, it leaps all over the Doctrine and Covenants, and we wind up hitting on some of the same stories over and over again.

Of course, I'm pretty positive I'm the only person in my class who realizes I'm repeating myself since most of the time people don't retain what they hear in Sunday School.  I knew I didn't when I was just a student.  So I suppose it doesn't matter too much.

As I was prepping my lesson Saturday, I was in the middle of getting sick and losing my voice, so I decided that we would be doing group work in Sunday School.  Frankly, I had already been leaning in that direction because there was a lot of text in Our Heritage to read, and there's nothing more boring than reading from a book as a group.  Unless you're in 1st grade and everyone is learning to read.  Then it's exciting.  (Or was that just my nerdy six year-old self?)

So I broke everyone into 7 small groups and had them each read about an historical event and then report to the class on it.  Less talking for me, more interaction for them.  Win win.

I started out, though, with a long list of dates written on the chalkboard, starting with Joseph Smith's first vision, the founding of the Church, and ending up with the dates of the key events in Nauvoo that we were talking about in class (sending the 12 on missions, baptisms for the dead, endowment, founding of the Relief Society)  I told them what each date stood for up to Joseph Smith's imprisonment in Liberty Jail, and then referred back to the relevant date on the board as we discussed each of the Nauvoo events.

One man told me afterward that he really liked seeing the dates on the board and understanding the historical context of what we were talking about.  That's nice.  I guess I'll use that tool again in the future to keep everyone historically grounded.

I handed out the historical readings and told the groups they would be responsible for answering 2 questions: 1) What happened?  2) What were the experiences/roles of individual members?

Because even though we were talking about history, what struck me as I read through the key sections of Our Heritage was how the text shared so many individual stories, naming individual members by name.  Some of them we are very familiar with, like Brigham Young and John Taylor, but others are not as familiar, yet they were important to building the kingdom of God too.  I noticed the same thing while reading D&C 124 in preparation for the lesson.  Individual members are mentioned, and their roles in building the kingdom are discussed  (we'll just ignore for the the moment the problem inherent in Joseph Smith receiving a "revelation" that tells someone to build him a house.  We're not talking about the temple here, which is also discussed in section 124, but an actual house for Joseph Smith.  D&C 124:115)

Liberal feminist me thought maybe some discussion might get started from the following story, but I was wrong:

Not long after Addison’s departure, his young daughter contracted smallpox. The disease was so contagious that there was real danger to any priesthood brother who might come to the Pratts, so Louisa [Addison's wife] prayed with faith and “rebuked the fever.” Eleven little pimples came out on her daughter’s body, but the disease never developed. In a few days the fever was gone. Louisa wrote, “I showed the child to one acquainted with that disease; he said it was an attack; that I had conquered it by faith.”

After sharing this story, the Liberian man who related the story to the group told his own story in his limited English about the time he had chicken pox and his roommate called the hospital and he got help and he only had a few pox on his back.  Just like this story!

Ummm, okay.  Not exactly the point I was hoping would be gleaned from the story, but, you know, a nice story for him.  Not spiritual or anything.  Nothing to do with blessings or Priesthood or women giving blessings.  But, nice story for him...

This is what I mean when I say that our ward is pretty apolitical and the majority of the members aren't aware on any level of the potential political and historical issues that could come up in class.  In some ways it's a blessing because there are a lot of different perspectives coming in, and more often than not we talk a lot about God and Jesus and very basic principles of goodness and service.  We don't get caught up in conservative politics that might make teaching very difficult for me.  Nobody spouting John Birch Society propaganda here. 

At the same time, the potential import of a story about a woman giving a blessing showing up in Our Heritage, the church-sanctioned companion book to this year's Gospel Doctrine class, is completely lost on the majority of my class.  Unfortunately, we were running out of time by the time we got to that story, and I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it without sufficient time to talk about it.  Also, I'm not sure if the meaning still wouldn't have gotten lost in translation...

After we had shared all of the historical and individual stories, I wrapped up the lesson by pointing out how individual members played an important role in building the kingdom of God in Nauvoo.  Today, we each have our own role to play in building the kingdom of God, no matter how small.  The service we give to other people helps to bring a bit of God to those around us.  ITNOJC, Amen.

1st Complaint/Concern (or, I Must Be Doing Something Right)

I wrote about this a bit on one of my alterno-Mormon Facebook groups and got a lot of awesome feedback.  Moments like this make me truly love the internet and the connections I've made in so short a time with other Mormons who are struggling with official Church policy and history.  Also, I'm pretty sure Husband likes not having to listen to me go on and on about this stuff because he's 1 of only 2 people I can talk with about it.

So, as I wrote previously, last week I gave a lesson that wound up turning into a lively discussion about faith and doubt.   Friday morning I opened up my email at work to find the following email from a member of our Bishopric:

I took some time on this before coming to you.

I want both understand your perspective and elaborate further on what I shared in class on the topic of doubt. I was surprised that you responded that you disagreed with my comment. I probably didn't explain well.

What I said in class is that when speaking about doubt it is important to separate in our minds the concepts of being inquisitive and being doubtful. I paraphrased scripture "seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you" to emphasize the Lord's desire that we question and learn. I also said that faith and doubt are opposite to one another, and that we should not be doubtful, but only faithful and inquisitive.

Doubt is a natural part of our experience in life, but the gospel of Jesus Christ does not encourage us to doubt (or accept doubt). Please review the topic "doubt, doubtful" in the topical guide and take a sampling of some of the scriptures there. Note that the antonyms are "belief" and "faith" and the synonyms are "unbelief" and "unbelievers." In the scriptures you'll find that the Lord invited those He blessed to believe and not doubt. He invited those he taught to replace doubt with faith (which is why I commented that doubt and faith oppose one another). Think of what He said to doubting Thomas when he appeared to His disciples following His resurrection...

Additionally, we are not taught in the church to respond with doubt when we receive a blessing, follow leaders' counsel, pray for answers and guidance, study the scriptures, etc. We are taught to be faithful, believing, trusting, and hopeful.

Doubt is a frustration to progress and it is a tool of the adversary. He is the father of lies and seeks that we stumble and remain confused. Doubt is not an attitude of questioning to learn, it is questioning because of mistrust or confusion or sin. God has no part in doubt.

It is also important to recognize that we are learning line upon line. This requires patience that we do not know all things, like sister _________ commented. But which person will learn more quickly, he(she) who doubts because of what he(she) does not know, or he(she) who presses on in faith, believing that truth will eventually form a unified circle in his(her) mind? No matter who we are, doubts will come, but we must quickly replace them with faith or we shall stumble.

Doubt often implies mistrust. Heavenly Father does everything to inspire faith within us. All things in the gospel are set up so that we learn to whole heartedly trust in Him. He leads us along the way with blessings and enlightenment. The scriptures provide real answers to life's questions and trials. He reveals His will to all those who come unto Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit. His plan is to exalt us because of the love He has for us. Who is more deserving of unwavering faith and trust (James 1:5-6)?

You said you disagree with what I said. I've searched the scriptures carefully this week and I feel to stand by my comment.

Please make sure that teachings in gospel doctrine are supported by scripture and words of the prophets. There are many new converts and often we have investigators. You have a strong testimony and set a great example of faithfully seeking the Lord, but we have many who are tender and just starting out. I hope you can see the danger concluding that it is okay to doubt, which was the conclusion that I took away from the class.

Please don't take this as a personal attack. You are highly appreciated for your willing service and contribution. Your leadership in gospel doctrine has proven most effective and helpful in inspiring gospel learning.

Again, the sure and safe way is to support teachings with scripture and words of the prophets. My intent in approaching you is more out of concern for what our new and tender students are taking away from the class if too much time is spent on opinions.

Please forgive me if I'm coming off bold. I hope you know I love you and appreciate what you do. Gospel doctrine is not an easy class to lead, especially when students come unprepared and opinionated.

Thanks for considering my thoughts. Feel free to share your perspective and I'd be happy to meet with you to discuss further if you wish.

Best regards,

Good thing my boss was away and I didn't have too much to do because I was able to spend a little time crafting a response.  I understand what he's saying, of course, I just don't see it the same way he does.  I've known this guy for a few years, and he's nice, with the best of intentions, and gives his all to the ward.  He is excessively earnest.  I appreciated his hedging his comments by saying I shouldn't take it as a personal attack, and that he does want to understand my perspective.  I did not appreciate the implication that my methods might lead others astray.

I wrote something, sat on in for a little while, edited it, and wound up sending this toward the end of the day:

I knew you were not pleased by what I had to say in response to you. I'm sorry if my comment came off as harsh toward you, that wasn't my intention, though sometimes it's easier to be blunt with someone I'm more comfortable with. The reason why I couldn't just nod and agree with what you said is because I believe that doubt and faith can co-exist. I can tell you that they co-exist in me right at this moment, and I am pretty sure I am not alone.
 

Perhaps that is not the ideal state of being. The ideal state, as you said, and as the scriptures say, is to banish all doubts and to just have faith. Sometimes that is much easier said than done, and our purpose is to work through our doubts and struggles and to strive for that ideal. The concept that I was trying to get to when corralling everyone's opinions, is that ultimately we have a God who loves us and a Savior who died for us, and when we start with that foundation, we can move forward from there despite whatever doubts or struggles may plague us. I've always seen a testimony as a wave, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes we are so absolutely sure and secure in the Gospel. Other times it is more difficult, to use a familiar metaphor, to see the iron rod for the mists of darkness. We work to keep our testimonies at that strong and secure level, but it's not always possible, and sometimes we falter.
 

One of my goals in teaching is to try to let people know that they are not alone and that they are welcome even though their knowledge and trust in God or the Gospel is not absolutely sure.
 

I believe you left before the end of the class, thought I may be wrong. If you did, then you did not see how it all wrapped up with my thoughts on trusting in the Savior in times of hardship, and how in the end all things, the good and the bad, will help us to become more like Him and will work for our good (D&C 98:3, Romans 8:28, D&C 90:24).

 

I read something about doubt and faith a couple of days after that lesson that really resonated with me, and that I wish I had read before the class, if I had had any idea the class would take the direction it did:
 

"We also need to stop thinking of doubt and faith as diametrically opposed to each other. I believe that doubt and faith are opposed in the same way our thumb is opposed to our fingers; they work together, testing and trying each other, pushing faith to seek a witness beyond itself, to become humble, and to find that there are answers not yet considered. We must teach how to process through the complexity and to see the beauty in the nuance."
 

 

That's not from scripture, or a current leader of the Church, but from another faithful member of the Church who also struggles now and again with doubts.
 

 

It's heartening to know that doubt holds no place in your heart and mind, but I cannot say the same. Yet I am faithful. I have faith and continue to do my best to turn to God when I do feel doubt. I admit, I am not perfect and sometimes doubts can be at the forefront of my mind. But I continue to come to church and serve my brothers and sisters because that's what I feel called to do.
 

I was thrilled with the discussion that we had on Sunday and think it does point out the varying levels of testimony, belief and knowledge that people in our ward hold. I was told by many people after that class that they appreciated the discussion, and I think for some people, knowing that they're not the only ones who don't know with an absolute certainty, is comforting. It means there's a place in the Church for them even if they are new, or if they struggle. Sometimes as a body of members, we can present ourselves as a monolith of certainty, and that can lead people who struggle to think that there's no place for them here.
 

I hope that even if you and I sometimes disagree on some of the finer points, that you will continue to offer up your comments, because I truly believe that our faith can be strengthened when our assumptions are challenged. Mulling over the idea of faith and doubt over the past week, which I have been doing as well, has helped me to explore my feelings about it. Honestly, I don't think our perspectives are so very different. I also believe that it is important to have faith, and I believe that it is important to work through doubts with faith. I think we can both agree with Elder Holland's talk from the last conference: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng#5-10785_000_51holland, particularly his mention of the scripture in Mark: "Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief."
 

 

Best,

 

 

Saturday morning, I had this response from him:

 

 

How about if explained this way...?

 

Faith and doubt are opposite attitudes in an approach. It is not possible to respond to something with faith and doubt simultaneously. Faith and doubt produce two different outcomes in the same circumstances. Lehi's sons quest for the brass plates in the BoM teaches this rather clearly.

 

Faith and doubt are equally accessible to us at any given moment, and in that light I agree they coexist. The same can be said of good and evil. But you can only choose one at any given time. You get to choose which attitude rules in your approach. You can even start by using one and then changing to the other before seeing the thing at hand through, but only one can work at a time.

 

I agree that if we measure the entirety of our lives that we would conclude that we have acted in doubt and in faith. Is that what you mean?

 

What struck me the most about this response is that he's trying so hard to reconcile our points of view.  He really is a nice guy, and I'm sure it's troubling to him that I just didn't absolutely agree with his initial email.  He's concerned because to a correlated Mormon it's probably very important that we see things the same way.

I haven't responded yet, but will probably write something like "Yes, that's a good way of looking at it" and be done with it.

When I sent him my initial response, it occurred to me that I didn't really care what happened next.  Unless he wanted to meet to discuss my wayward thinking, which would have been boring and not something I would be interested in at all.  But, really, the options are (1) we agree to disagree slightly (2) he feels the need to reconcile our points of view so that he can feel comfortable that there is no disagreement, which is kind of what he did in the email, and I'm not interested in continuing any sort of argument, so that's likely where we'll stay, or (3) he recommends that I get released, which seems a bit extreme for him, and also is not likely something our bishop would agree to, if for no other reason than we're short-staffed as it is, and there's no one to replace me.  Also, because Bishop likes me (though he is completely unaware of my issues with the Church, so maybe he would like me less if he knew that).

So this was a pretty mild (and extremely earnest) complaint.  I received a bit of a boost on Friday night, though, when I went to a party and a couple who had been in my class told me how great it was and that they were still talking about it.  I mentioned to them that I had gotten an email complaint about my faith and doubt comment, without telling them in any way who it was from, of course, and they were floored.  They assured me they enjoyed the class.  I suppose you can't please everyone, it's just too bad when the person you don't please is the bishopric member overseeing Sunday School who thinks it's then his responsibility to correct me.  Hopefully there won't be too much more of that.